“The bride’s aunt got up and danced like mad for the cocktail hour... Then, she dropped dead of a heart attack.”

"This is exactly why child-free weddings are a thing."

"People started screaming, I heard some kids at the table next to me crying, and the whole thing was just chaos. The guy stood up as if nothing had happened. The dog sat down, and the bride announced that this guy is their fucking dog trainer, and this was a demonstration of the dog’s 'defensive abilities'. He took a bow and showed the little padded protective thing he had on his arm under his shirt. And then he had the audacity to make the dog do a couple of normal tricks, like rolling over and barking on command. We all kind of politely applauded, he walked out of the room, and then they finished their first dance like this was not an absolutely traumatic experience for everyone in the present."

"She vanished for a while, but then returned later with one of her tits out and what appeared to be suspicious wet white stains all over the back of her dress, and then proceeded to dance with her tit out even when people told her and tried to fix it for her. The only bartender for the wedding disappeared at one point, and she was found blowing him in the walk-in by catering staff. Finally, the bride told her to go to her hotel room and sleep it off... except she didn't. After she was escorted to her hotel room, she left and offered a different bartender at the casino a blowie if he could get her some more coke. Then she proceeded to try the same thing with several random people in the casino who were gambling and ended up puking all over a craps table. This got her kicked out. So she had to take all her luggage and wait outside the casino, crying in the parking lot until someone could give her a ride to a different hotel. It was the bride's brother who gave her a ride, and she shit herself in his car so badly that he had to take the seat out and get a new one because 'it was everywhere and I couldn't get the smell out no matter how much I cleaned.' Philly weddings are a trip."

"For the grand finale, she turned her back to the newlywed couple sitting at their table, put her head between her knees to look at them through her legs, and proudly flipped them off with both hands. The room erupted into big cheers, and Nanny was ushered away with another drink. So naturally, this became a thing at every wedding we’ve had since then. When Nanny Shift passed away in the mid-90s, my aunt Lois took over the bloomers and has worn them for at least 10 weddings over the years, including my own. I love my family. We throw the best weddings."

Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.