buzzfeed Press
29 "Blatantly Wrong" Misconceptions People Have About Bisexuality
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“We’re not the magical fountain of threesomes. So just stop.” As a full-time writer at BuzzFeed, I cover books, sex, relationships, sitcoms, and all things pop culture. "I've been asked by men MANY TIMES — upon them finding out I’m bisexual — if I would do a threesome with them and another woman. It disgusts me every single time. The fetishization of lesbians and bisexual women is awful." "The biggest complaint in being a bisexual female is that a lot of men just assume I am always up for a ménage à trois. Hell no. It makes dating really hard to the point that I don't even want to mention my sexuality on my profile. Bisexual women are incredibly sexualized as always being up for anything or seen as 'sexually wild.'" "Some people assume that since I'm bi, I'm interested in being a 'unicorn' on dating apps. I'm not here to be you and your boyfriend's toy, thanks." "The notion that we have 'more options' than most people. In many ways, we have less. Particularly, bisexual men, as multiple studies have shown that both gay men and straight women show reluctance to date openly bisexual men." "I am a male in a 22-year monogamous marriage with a female. But I'm still attracted to men as well as women who aren’t my wife; I just don’t act on it. We can still identify as LGBTQ while in a heterosexual relationship." "I married a man. I often get the 'Well, you’re not bisexual anymore, you’re married.' As if attraction to any other human dies with marriage. I’ve also been told I don’t look very gay, whatever that means." "Being bi doesn't mean I'm also not monogamous and committed to my husband. I'm married to him and have no plans, inkling, or plans of being unfaithful to him." "The most outrageous one I get is that I want to sleep with absolutely everyone because I'm bi." "That we're attracted to men and women in equal proportions. I'm mostly attracted to men and sometimes to women, whereas my sister is mostly attracted to women and sometimes to men." "There are so many. That our attraction has to be a 50/50 split for it to 'count' otherwise you're either gay or straight; that you don’t count as bi unless you’ve slept with people of multiple genders; that bisexuality is somehow exclusive of trans and nonbinary folks; that it’s a stepping stone on the way to being ‘fully gay’ (whatever that means); that we’re letting down the queer community or not fully queer if we’re with someone of the opposite sex; that we’re incapable of ever keeping it in our pants even while in a committed relationship. TBH, bi folk face a lot of crap, and some of it is from within the queer community itself." "People assume that I'll immediately hit on them, especially if they're also a woman. I've heard the whole 'I don't mind if people are bi, as long as they don't hit on ME' spiel way too many times now. Not all of us are going to be attracted to you, Brenda. Especially with that attitude." —Anonymous, 58, British Columbia, Canada Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.