“Having been that woman once, I didn’t give a shit enough to think about anybody else. It was pure selfish, narcissistic behavior.”

Reader, writer, thinker, and nerd about all things pop culture and feminism.

"This is it exactly, but some are more unhinged than others. I had an acquaintance who only slept with married men. She thought the fact that they were married but wanted her meant she was irresistible. If she could get them to buy her stuff that was the ultimate power trip. She bragged one had paid for her abortion. She burst into tears cause one of them refused to buy her a washing machine." — StayAwayFromMySon

"About three months into us seeing each other, he went on a trip to Alaska to spread some of his wife’s ashes because they had always planned on going there together. He was showing me pictures from his trip on his phone, and he swiped by one super quick, but not quick enough for me to see him kissing a woman with her left hand embracing his face and a clear ring on her finger. The conversation went like this:

Me: Why is that married woman kissing you?

Him: Oh, I photoshopped that for myself. Just wanted to imagine what it would have been like if she was there.

Me: No, the photo looks too good to be photoshopped—the lighting is consistent throughout and you said yourself you’re not good with computers…. I….. is your wife alive?

Him: Look, technically, yes, she is still alive, but our marriage is dead.

Me: I LISTENED TO YOU CRY OVER BEING A SINGLE PARENT. A WIDOWER. YOU ASKED ME FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTERS ABOUT GIRL STUFF. WHAT THE FUCK

Him: Well I knew you wouldn’t date me if you knew I was married, sooo…..

No regret at his end whatsoever. He essentially said, "It is what it is. Sorry if your feelings are hurt. I don’t get why this is a big deal." BECAUSE YOU MADE ME BELIEVE YOUR WIFE WAS VERY MUCH DEAD AND YOU CRIED OVER IT, MEANWHILE SHE IS VERY MUCH ALIVE, YOU ABSOLUTE PSYCHO!

Pretty sure he gave me a false name because I tried to find information online about him to contact his wife and couldn’t find any conclusive information, although the name he gave was very common (think like Matt Johnson or Mike Smith). None of his backstory added up. I am much more thorough in my vetting process now." — butters_bottom_bishh

"And partially you are correct but it's 100% more his fault than yours. He was the one who took the vow and decided it was ok to ignore that vow and disrespect someone he claimed to love." — Colonel_Pusstache

"We were very casual and he lived a state away. He was a trucker and drove to my city three days per week and that’s how we met. He would call me regularly and always answered when I called. I wonder now (seven years later) if he had a second phone or something and what shift his wife might have worked because I assumed he lived alone. I think this lie only worked because we didn’t feel obligated to see each other every day and we lived in separate states. Had we lived in the same town I would have found out and cut him off within the first month or so.

His first name could be a last name (think: Mr. Jackson Washington) and when I googled him and read the news report, they listed his last name as his first name (Mr. Washington Jackson) and his correct age PLUS wife so I thought it couldn’t possibly be about him. But he always answered my calls and hadn’t answered or called me back in almost a week. Found his coworkers on Facebook and they confirmed it was indeed him.

I went to his funeral and stayed in the back. I coincidentally ended up sitting in the same section as his coworkers so it didn’t look weird and I was respectful and didn’t say anything or call attention to myself. I honestly felt like shit for being with a married man and attending his funeral but I’ve since forgiven myself and I would never knowingly mess with a married man so my conscious is clear.

Men lie a lot lol he was sweet as pie to me but I still struggle to trust and believe people.

He would spend his lunch breaks with me when he was in town. It made me a little insecure because even though we were never intimate on his lunch breaks, he still shouldn’t have been on a “date” with me while married.

And at his funeral, everyone kept calling her his “loving wife of X amount of years” and idk if they were just being polite since he was dead or if they were truly in love and happily married." — cherry-gram-888

"I'll add that when we did get together I was still legally married but separated for two years and living away from my ex. I was still legally married because my ex was refusing to sign the papers, and it wasn't until his fiance put down her foot and demanded him to sign that he finally did. Apparently I have a penchant for complexity." — UnlikelyRegret4

"I used to know someone like this. She seemed to have a special interest in attached guys like winning them over to seduce them made her feel extra powerful and attractive. She’d often start a new friendship with the female partner first, then start making excuses to hang out with the dude etc and then try and justify the sex by saying she had a different emotional connection with the guy that he couldn’t show his partner blah blah blah. It was a pile of dog shit and she left a lot of destruction in her wake." — bloodymongrel

"I'm terrified to love someone because I know I am not a good lover because of how anxious and triggered I am. I'd rather be alone than have someone have to deal with me. Its easier to "love" someone I can't be with 100% because if they leave and choose not to deal with me it hurts less because I knew I was never going to be chosen over their wife. It makes it hurt less in my mind... but really it all hurts the same. I am a 32F." — lurkeldurkel

"I became a limerence-fueled addict, because he’d go from one shift ignoring me completely to borderline chasing me around the restaurant the next for my attention, leaving me confused and near a heart attack. I was thinking of him all the time, he was an escape from my stress. Long story short, his wife got a call that “a pretty young girl was visiting him at the bar,” (he got fired for giving out free drinks so I visited him as a customer at his new job), she DMed me on Facebook…the manipulative twat used my manager and his friend to guilt me into lying to her (shocking news, he’s a repeat offender). I got fired from my job and kicked out of school (doing bad in everything due to burnout). He also obviously ghosted me when his wife found out. So altogether karma’s kiss for me hit hard. But I learned a harsh lesson about boundaries and taking care of myself." — No-Chance-1502

"Some men have like a radar for women who feel like this and know exactly how to exploit it. There is something very powerful about someone who can make you feel like they—finally—understand you like no one else does.

I have come across a couple of women like this in my life, usually somewhat younger than me. I've thought that they looked like they needed encouraging so I've gone out of my way to tell them that they're doing a good job at something. I find the reaction quite frightening—sometimes it feels like they latch on to me in a way that I find quite unpleasant. I back off there. I don't have anything like the charisma to exploit this even if I wanted to, which I don't." — Conscious-Ball8373

"They’re in their early 40s. I told the wife once they gave me her info and she came at me. It was wild. Then she didn’t even do anything with it I’m guessing, because a few months later I saw him at the grocery store with another woman. They didn’t get a divorce or anything so I’m assuming she must be okay with it or something. I don't know, but it was WILD." — Redheadbabe22

Responses have been edited for length and clarity.